20 years yesterday I lost my beautiful 3 week old son Shaka. So much has happened and so many lessons learned in Life since that day.
#1 – Our children are never completely ours. Their path has already been chosen like ours. No one is exempt.
#2 – With the unbearable loss a mother feels specifically – the maternal bond will never be broken.
#3 – God’s Plan (If you believe) outweighs human desire, want or need.
#4 – Like the beloved Les Brown says – With every setback theirs a comeback.
#5 – Loss teaches you to take action ‘now’ rather than keep waiting. It’s the reason I have a huge appetite to experience life.
#6 – Being alone for the birth at 23 weeks and then just after the death at 23 days taught me ultimate resilience.
#7 – I found strength and determination I never knew I had.
#8 – I really understood Compassion with the way our beautiful Colombian consultant Angela not only treated us that weekend allowing me to take charge of the death process, but how she looked after us consistently for the full 6 and a half month stay my son had from birth. Forever grateful.
#9 – I learned that fear was one of the most destructive emotions and started to really learn how to master my mind.
#10 – Personal development is the only way to grow and experience life differently.
#11 – In your darkest hours someone once said “You know who your friends are.” Thankfully most came through but some just disappeared.
#12 – I learned to become assertive. To ask questions and really take charge at times of my sick son’s health in hospital. I had never felt comfortable around Consultants and Doctors before but this was life or death at many times for him especially with Heart surgery and others.
#13 – I learned so much about Severe Prematurity and Complications that I understood so much more of what was happening.
#14 – Solo parenting with my eldest son whilst daily visits to the hospital taught me how I am made. Determination and focus have always been a superpower and what a blessing it was then.
#15 – When everyone else goes and returns to their life – sometimes their support is over.
#16 – When Shaka died most people didn’t know what to say or do but Kwame was still alive in hospital. I just wanted the ‘normal’ things.
#17 – When you think you can’t take any more pain, your mind and body can switch a gear and give you excess energy, hope and love you never knew you had.
#18 – My motto “We are not victims of our circumstances, we are Soul Conscious Creators” was born out of reflecting on my most challenging life experiences.
#19 – I decided to set up my micro Businesses to fit into my life as a Full time Carer as I could not leave Kwame with anyone else until months after coming out of hospital and that was a few hours with my mum. He was on 16 medications and 2 hourly so was sleep deprived for the first two years of life whilst nursing him and being on full life saving oxygen.
#20 – Never under-estimate the power of good friends. My dearest Sylvia and Karen came to the hospital so much despite Sylvia having recently had a Kidney Transplant and Karen working non stop. Without them two, my mind would not be intact. They were and are now my guardian angels. Thank you girls.
20 years today I lost my beautiful 3 week old son Shaka. So much has happened and so many lessons learned in Life since that day. I’ll share as the day unfolds.
Love to all the Parents, especially Women who have birthed babies that did not make it to thier 1st birthday or Lost those who did not even survive to Birth!
In life No THING is straightforward. As life ebbs and flows we deepen and reduce the connection with our #Soul “We are NOT Victims of our Circumstances, We are Soul Conscious Creators of our Future” ©️ so remember even in the darkest valleys there is light.
These last few months I have been navigating Grief and Loss of Friends like family but also Blessed and Nourished through it all with Travel..
Whatever is going on in your life please know it will not last!
As I navigate my surviving twin’s 20th a few weeks ago and 20th Anniversary of Shaka’s death, I am grateful and blessed to have grown as a person.
Now in my 54th year, I am using my Life experiences, gifts and overall Coaching/Mentoring work with Women. and My new additional role as an INELDA trained End of Life Doula compliments what I have been facilitating for 15 years privately and going through for decades with every loss.